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Grandparents who are Denied Access to Grandchildren

By: Elizabeth Grace - Updated: 5 Jan 2019 | comments*Discuss
 
Access To Grandchildren Family Counselor

While grandparents who are denied access to their grandchildren by the children's parents must certainly feel hurt and angry the fact remains that legally, grandparents are not automatically guaranteed any rights to their grandchildren.

There are a number of things that grandparents can do to best assure that they will be allowed to develop relationships with their grandkids, but in all but the most serious of circumstances, parents have the right to decide which people can and which cannot spend time with their children.

Healing Rifts

If at all possible, grandparents who are being denied access to their grandchildren should make an effort to mend any hard feelings that exist between them and their grown children. In most cases, parents keep their kids away from their own parents due to unresolved conflicts that exist between the adults. Sometimes, what starts as a minor misunderstanding grows into an argument serious enough to cause discord amongst family members. While both sides may choose to stubbornly hold onto the idea that they are "right," by doing so, everyone loses out on the love and support that happy families provide for one another. There comes a point when being right becomes less important than getting along, and grandchildren are as good a reason as any to make the decision to put aside past hurts and focus on a brighter future.

Grandparents can contact their grown children and express their desire to talk, preferably at a time when the grandchildren will not be present. If a first attempt is unsuccessful, it may be wise for grandparents to take a step back and give their children a bit of space. Ending the call by reassuring their kids that they only want to make peace and letting them know that they would be receptive to being contacted at a later time will let their grown children make the final decision about a reunion without applying excessive pressure.

Seeking Professional Help

While it is not reasonable to expect that old hurts can be healed overnight, willing family members can forge an agreement to begin over, leaving old arguments behind. It can often be difficult for people to see their family members as they really are, but instead they view each other from a possibly outdated perspective. Grandparents sometimes view their grown children as the irresponsible people that they may have been as teenagers or young adults, while the grandparents may be seen by their grown kids as judgmental and controlling -- characteristics that may no longer be accurate for either generation. Seeking the assistance of a licensed social worker or family counselor may be beneficial since an outsider can sometimes offer an objective point of view not easily achieved by those closest to the situation.

Extreme Circumstances

In some families, the reasons for disagreements are well founded. Addictions, abuse issues, and some illnesses can cause adult family members to purposefully distance themselves from one another and also to protect the youngest family members from being placed in possibly dangerous situations. In cases where grandparents have a history of destructive or abusive behaviours, it is not unreasonable for their grown children to keep them away from the grandkids.

Grandparents who can admit that they once engaged in distasteful behaviours but have since sought help and mended their ways may be able to convince their grown children to allow them to be a part of their grandchildren's lives by proving that they no longer pose a threat, but the final decision must be left to the children's parents. Parents have a responsibility to keep their children safe, even if it means keeping them from their grandparents or other family members.

Conversely, if it is the children's parents who are a dangerous influence, grandparents may be forced to seek protection for them. Grandparents who feel certain that they are being kept from their grandchildren because of their grown children's gross dysfunctional behaviours may want to seek legal advice. Children deserve to be raised in a safe, loving environment and while grandparents have no right to interfere with their grown children regarding the raising of the grandchildren under normal circumstances, if the children's safety or well being is at risk, grandparents must take steps to intervene.

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Advice needed desp. I'm paternal grandma and have had my grandson at least 2/3 times a wk since he was 3mths old. My son was using drugs whilst with baby's mum and there was violence but I don't know the full story. Anyway he was sent to prison for this and she carried on seeing my son etc and when he was released also. Social services were rightly involved and my son did everything they asked of him, she was then allowed eventually to let my son have my grandson overnight at my home where he resided. All was well until both parties got into new relationships a few myths later. She had an argument with my son and then stopped contact, he waited a few wks hoping she'd calm down and met her at my home regarding something else they argued in front of my grandson and she just kept telling him to take her to court. He then pushed her on her shoulder and cried why won't you let me see him before I made him leave. Since then she has said he's to have no contact with my grandson and if she finds out we've let him see him then she will stop us too. I had my grandson on a day I wouldn't normally and my son called in staying for around 15 20 mins. She found out and said I couldn't have him anymore as social services have said my son isn't to see him, I find this hard to believe as when I contacted her social worker she said there was no reason why my son couldn't see him but if his ex said no then he would have to go to court. She keeps threatening me with keeping my grandson from me if she finds out my son has been to see my grandson. I really need to know what to do as I want a reasonable relationship with his ex as she my grandsons mum but I don't want her to keep threatening me as I'm on tenterhooks all the time in case my son just turns up...I just want something in writing that neither she nor I can go back on. Any ideas pls thankyou
Tj - 5-Jan-19 @ 9:36 PM
It is almost six months since I've been allowed to see my two grandchildren, age almost 3 and 1. The eldest, my grandson I have been taking care of for 1/3 of his life, staying at my house every weekend since he was 3 weeks old with myself, my husband and my youngest child, son (his uncle). The father of my grandchildren, my eldest son, has ruined our lives by going with a repugnant, evil narcissistic female (the "mother") who has been mentally and verbally abusive to me for 2 1/2 years, has physically attacked me in the presence of my then 7 month old granddaughter and 2 year old grandson, and threatened me on many occasions. She had called my husband "a beast" and has threatened to have him "shot". This is because she owes debt at my house, owes money to our family friend, caused the police to threaten to kick in our door (they were looking for my son as she had (as always) started a fight with him, smashing up "her" house, threatening to do harm to the kids and leave them - a neighbour had called the police. She expected to "use" my home to get whatever she lied and cheated to get and expects to pay for nothing. She has tried to get me, my husband and my son all jailed through her lies. She lies constantly, slanders our names and threatens us. I had cancer only 3 years ago, I wasn't expecting or asking to be a grandparent then (at 49). She tried to stop me seeing my grandson first when he was 5 months old - for no reason whatsoever. Resulted in her calling me and texting me at my work with the most awful things, telling me to "get over" having cancer, because I dared ask my own son when could I see my grandson again. After that I was really upset but my son asked if I still wanted to watch the child that night as usual. When I declined my son ended up calling me back, pleading for me to take him that night as she was "going mental". This is what it has been like. She has smashed up things of my son's, my grandson's window, threatened on many occasions to "smother" or put my grandson's face through a window. She told my husband during this awful time she wanted to "stab" me in my eyes. When my son went to court because of her lies - it wasnt even heard - she knew he was free but let me go to court anyway. He didn't know. She reluctantly let us take my grandson on a weekend break but the day before we were leaving there was suddenly an appointment for him first thing on the Monday morning that she "couldn't change". I refused to come back early so it was agreed my son would collect him a day early. Low and behold, we had only just picked up my grandson to go the holiday, hadn't even hit the motorway yet, when we got a text saying the appointment had miraculously been put back. When my middle son was having an engagement party, the night before she threw her dummy out the pram and stated she wasn't going because she didn't get things she wanted. Whenever we have bought my grandchildren anything or taken them anywhere it's always been m
Nan - 28-Dec-18 @ 4:53 PM
Iv not seen my granchildren for three years due to sisters falling out lm ill and not and just turned 70 christmas round courner again lv writen to the daughter who sent a nasty text but no joy of contact lm to ill to go to court for acesswhat can l do .
Mow - 23-Dec-18 @ 12:54 PM
My daughter has issues and a huge rift between herself and her father, it all started when she allowed her 13yr old to go out with friends and was meeting up with boys but in fact these guys lied about their age, turned out to be between 15 and 24, her parents did nothing at all so her grandad went into a parental mode trying to protect her and show her the right way, We took the 2 eldest grandchildren on holiday where grandad established a close bond with the granddaughter and realised what a troubled girl she is, she confided in both of us saying she felt depressed and that her mam wouldn't do anything about it and also she felt uncomfortable with her step dad as she feels he does not love her it's all false . When we got home after a fab holiday her grandad was trying to see her as much as possible maybe yes he was a bit overwhelming and and at the time too clingy with her but would never harm her or any of our grandchildren.My daughter had stopped contact with her dad at first until he seeks help because she thinks he's done wrong. I've had time to go over the situation step by step and the children don't have an easy life at home,my daughter is not very houseproud , she argues on a daily basis with her husband and the swearing and shouting is unreal and this is in front ofall the kids , and she does like to give them a good hiding now and again, and I've been a sounding board for her for years , you can't have a civil conversation with her because she flies off on one then used the kids as weapons saying you'll never see them again , so I've kept my comments to my self for years.Her husband came round to talk to my husband and some of the things he came out with on his list was unreal,he mentioned social services we unfortunately i spoke up and said go get them I can tell them a few home truths , he left didn't like hearing what I had to say got a call few minutes later off my daughter shouting at me calling me with swear words I hate and now has for no reason what so ever cut me off social media and I'm to stay away. My eldest grandson who is nearly 16 does not want to lose contact I'm devastated would going to seek advise be the right way to go . There is no going back with her and her father,but I've done nothing but try and keep the peace all I did was for once gave my views and they didn't like that. I'm at a loss I've always been close with those kids , can someone please give me some advise thanks
Skooby - 18-Dec-18 @ 8:34 AM
Our beloved son passed away in his sleep a year ago at the age of 38yrs.No one, including himself knew that he had a significant heart disease. He left a wife and a wonderful son (nearly two years old) son who I saw every week and was always there when they needed a baby sitter. My husband was always on hand to do any jobs that were required. Our hearts are torn in pieces as my daughter in law has stopped all access and has deleted our entire family from social media. Shehas said that she will call the police if any of us attempt to call at her house. We have not only lost a wonderful caring kind son and brother but also our only grandchild. We were told by a friend that he had an operation in the summer, we had no idea he had been in hospital.We have no current photos and are now in the process of applying to the courts to be able to see him. This is unrealistic for many grandparents as it is an extremely expensive process but we are lucky enough to be able to do this with hope that the courts will eventually grant us some contact. There seems to be plenty of publicity surrounding the fact that grandparents do not have the legal right to see their grandchildren after a divorce, however their is little thought given to the right of access to grandparents after the death of one parent. The government needs to move more quickly and include in their bill not only rights after divorce but also after a death. I ask Is it in the interest of the child/children to be stopped by their parent from seeing someone/peoplethey love?
Alice - 10-Dec-18 @ 2:30 PM
Hello I feel helpless .. My daughter hates me and blames me for all her problems. I had her at a young age.. And brought her up on my own.. I worked hard and studied and tried to do my best.. I had a hard life when I was a young girl as I was raped and abused from the age of two up to sixteen by my father.. I started having severe anxiety attacks and breakdowns.. Unfortunately my daughter saw some of these.. At a young age. That I was told by therapist to sit n tell her why mummy wasn't " normal" without going into detail I told her my father was a very bad man. And why mummy gets upset.. I thought it would be OK. But over a period of time my daughter was wanting to know more and more.. My daughter is grown up now and hates me . even though I was there for her during and before she gave birth to my grandchild.. The other grandparents have been so wonderful buying presents for her and helping her with money etc.. Where as I am living in a rented flat . I don't own a car.. She was happy to let my grandchild stay with me.. When it came to the supposed day for my grandchild to go. She would ring and add more days. I had to go to the loan shop to get money as I had nothing.. Then one day I said I couldn't so the dad came and took him.. And arranged to take him all the way to the otherside of the country for the other grandparents.. I knew then I would never see him again. I feel used and violated offended.. Her reasons for this is my past.. And she had a hard time with me. We had this out before and I thought we have moved on.. How many times do you have to say sorry!!! She has slated me off to everyone and anyone because she thrives on drama.. I guess I'll just have to live with it.. But I can't bury the pain. I feel helpless
Jenny - 3-Dec-18 @ 11:25 PM
We have been stopped by our son and daughter in law to see our newly born grandson. My wife and myself are absolutely distraught. We have trying to call them but they will not answer their phones. We decided to pay a visit but were refuse to see our grandson. What can we do ?
Andy - 23-Nov-18 @ 2:54 PM
my daughter has been caught up in the world of drugs and her children 2 live with her first partner and 1 leaves with her 2nd partners mother and I have a special guardian order on her youngest child I am experiencing some difficulty in contact as they blame me for my daughters drug misuse can anyone advise on how about applying for regular contact I feel upset of this happening as I am the Maternal Grandmother.
paula - 18-Oct-18 @ 4:22 PM
I have stopped my mom from seeing my children, as she has said some things in front of my kids that I can not forgive causing them distress at the time. Expecting 3yr old to keep secrets from another family member that they love. She goes against our parenting, tells us what we should be doing. When we are teaching them life lessons she teaches how money is on tap. Is a toxic controlling person who plays the victim which anyone who knows her well enough will tell you. She has history of mental health which I believe she is suffering with again but is in denial. It's everyone else in the wrong not her. She has spread rumours that I have bad depression(I don't have depression).. that I have had it for 14 year and I need help, that my partner is controlling that I can not think for myself ( everyone has laughed at this)and that he perved on her ( accidently walked in on her with her back towards him on holiday. She has stopped me seeing all my dad's side, my dad and her own mom when I was younger for no reason. We have never had a brilliant relationship, but I always tried as you only get one mom. Now she wants to take us both to court to see the kids???
Lou - 13-Oct-18 @ 5:01 PM
Hi I really need advice before I have a mental brake down, I have two beautiful girls and my mother is trying to get access to see them and I want her nowhere near them she’s a manipulative nasty person who’s phoned police and social services many times for all sorts of reasons she’s took overdoses in front of my younger brother and is mentally unstable she sent me a mediation letter and I refused she’s done this before but blackmailed me into seeing my children due to my grandmother being really sick (she was basically my mother when I was growing up and adored my children) and tried to keep us from seeing her so my children have only seen my my mother about 4/5 times within there life and hated my mother she’s abusive and social services are aware of her police too and I’m just so scared she will get access to my children I have anxiety and depression because of her and petrified of getting the post incase it’s a court letter what are her chances of getting any contact please anyone like I said I’m on the verge of a brakedown because of everything she has put me through I can’t take much more of her she’s made my life hell i could write a book on the things she’s done and everything she has gotten away with so any advice would be really appreciated thankyou
Xoeverlast - 8-Oct-18 @ 2:07 AM
Hi. I was in a relationship with a guy in the Uk for a few years. He had to move back to SA. I eventually followed. The moment I arrived I was offered drugs and eventually this les to me smoking crystal meth everyday.. after 18 months of abuse and seeing a photo of me drugged out of it after I had to push my boyfriend off me from having sex with me to which i blacked out again. Long story short. I came home found out i was pregnant. I had an idea je was raping me but i was so drugged out of it none of it made sense. After a PTSD.diagnosis and lots of therapy I am finally healing. Only thing now is I feel incredibly guilty that my so doesn't see his grandmother or his aunts or uncle's from his side. Ive had to cut ties with my dad and mum because they are both addicts and toxic. We both have no family. Does my boyfriend's mother have a right to have contact with my son even after everything he did to me? My son has never met any of his fathrs side nor his dad. I've kept him away from them all but im feeling guilty. Am i doing the right thing? Thank you.
Nic - 3-Oct-18 @ 5:18 PM
Hi, I cut contact with my mother over a year ago because she has been abusive most of my life and is highly manipulative of others. She loves playing the victim and thrives on drama and causing trouble. I am her main target. You can literally be in a room with her say nothing wrong and she will run to others and you end up with them attacking you because they all go on her slander and lies. I firmly believe she has a personality disorder. I’ve let her have a relationship with our kids for years but she has really mentally harmed our eldest daughter 13. She was turning her against us as parents. It’s taken her just over a year to begin to recover from this. She encouraged her to lie to us about where she was, who she was with and to literally do what she wants on a rough housing estate. Purposely went against what we asked as parents. This has put her at risk. She also allows people around her that we do not want near our kids. She even began to control her friendships and this caused massive red flags for me because this is what she has done to me my entire life. She uses the children to slander us as parents and play mind games with our children. Our 10 year old absolutely hates her. She left him out, blamed him for everything and let the other children gang up on him. This also includes a wide network of other family members and people who my mother manipulates. She has sent birthday and Christmas cards to the children which we do not mind but despite telling her not to turn up at our house or contact us or send people over she continues to do so. She also sends letters. She has also turned up at bus stops to speak to our 13 year old and getting others to find out what stops she gets on and off the bus at. This all got to a point the other day where my husband was confronted by her and a group of people in public where she caused a massive scene and drama and then grabbed our 7 year old. He also had our 10 year old and 17 month old with him. He repeatedly asked to be left alone and she followed him demanding to see. ‘My grandchildren’ It’s been reported to police. It’s taken me many years to wise up to her mind games and control and I do genuinely believe that grandparents being in their grand children’s lives is mostly a massive positive but there are also acceptions to the rule. She abused and neglected me most of my life and left me in dangerous situations. I was also sexually abused by an alcoholic uncle which she denies although I told her about this. So it’s in my kids best interest and in ours as parents to keep this toxic lady out of our lives. I am now 40 and given her chance after chance and her behaviour continues. She does not respect boundaries one bit and makes everything about her. It’s a unhealthy situation that I have to protect my children from. She has even befriended staff at my daughters high school and got them to pass messages to her. We had to change our daughters high school. Also a primary school teacher at my sons old
katie stone - 3-Oct-18 @ 12:38 PM
My son has been stopped from seeing his daughter by his x girlfriend cause he has a couple of charges against him
Caz - 27-Sep-18 @ 6:02 PM
Hey wonder if anyone can help. Back in August my eldest granddaughter was baptised and we was having a lovely day my eldest son left the evening with his partner and daughter went home leaving a young man behind who was a friend of theirs and someone known too the family. So cut a long story short this friend was asked too leave later on as it had been reported he had been sniffing cocaine in a toilet ( I think my middle child had every right too ask this person too leave ) Well after myself and husband calmed the situation the lad left everyone continued their time then a while later my eldest son called my middle son too say he was coming back up too smash him up as the lad who was asked too leave rung and told him my son had grabbed him round the throat and dragged him round the street ( which non of that happened. So I rung my son telling him not too come back as the issue had been dealt with and everyone was now back too enjoying the celebrations he was having non of it I called his partner trying too get her too talk him out of it and she wasn’t having it either. They did both turn up myself and my husband tried too stop my eldest from going in the hall but he wasn’t having any of it not realising his partner had already flown threw the doors and was having a go at my son and his partner in the hall. I called the police because I’m not having my sons fighting and also as I was worried for the safety of my son who had turned up too assault my other son because there was a big chance the guys in the hall could of turned on my son and his partner and they got hurt but in the meantime non of them had bothered they had left their car running doors open and my granddaughter in the car in a public car park so my priority was 1. Making sure BOTH sons where safe and secondly my sons wasn’t fighting. Now I’m being stopped any contact with my granddaughter who I saw come into the world ( I was the first too hold her and give her a bottle when she was born I was at the birth ) and have always been in her life my granddaughter turned 1 this September and I’ve been told too shove the gifts and cards because they don’t want my granddaughter too have them and because I’m not seeing her until I apologise for my disgusting behaviour. Now I don’t see where my behaviour was disgusting pleas can someone help this is destroying me. I’ve told my son I’m sorry for calling the police but I was concerned for both of my sons and for both their safety I’ve never given a statement too police and neither did anyone else but I’m still being punished because the police said they would notify social services about their behaviour because of the aggression the speed they drove at and leaving my granddaughter in the car but that wasn’t nothing too so with me that was their behaviour not mine and this is braking my heart ??????
Jocksbird - 23-Sep-18 @ 3:18 PM
@Charlie - I really feel for you it must be a horrible situation that you are in. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do as your son is not separated from her. Can't he bring them to see you? She sounds like an absolute horror.
GinnG - 10-Sep-18 @ 12:21 PM
Hi, my son moved his the girlfriend into my home after she split with her ex. 6 years on, the got married and had a little boy. The first 6 month of his life, his mum suffered with PND and wanted little to do with him. I looked after him and her and got her the help she needed. I brought practicly all things for him, and her. Paid bills for her so she could give up work. My son works hard but found it difficult to deal with her moods and rejection of his son. I worked with her endlessly to teach her routine and how to look after the little one. We were so close, like best friend's.Then I went on holiday, when I came back, she had flipped a switch, refused my phone calls, excuses about not going to see them. She stoped little one coming to see me or stopping over. I had do e nothing to upset her. She then had baby no 2. I was not a load to pick him up, she put him upstairs saying he was asleep, the baby monitor showed different.So now after 5 years, she makes it so difficult for me to see the kids only at her house, one Fay a week and only for 3 hours. If I speak, she answers for the kids, the oldest one asks often why he can't go out with me any more or sleep over, my son does try to stand his ground he has little say in anything, she's just a control freak. My heart is breaking, she not use anything I buy the kids, clothes, toys. I really am ready to end it all, she talks to me like dirt, I say nothing back for fear of losing all contact with the kids and she knows it. She make the kids cry when I'mthere just to hurt me and show her authority. I really can't take much more. Please can anyone give me some advice.
Charlie - 8-Sep-18 @ 1:48 AM
Nana - Your Question:
I am a widow My only daughter was killed in a car accident along with my youngest grand daughter. 2 years ago. My son in law who caused the accident and my eldest gran daughter survived uninjured. It was a one car only accident, and l have never blamed my son in law. After the accident l was allowed some access to my granddaughter with whom l was very close ( l had them both 1/2 days a week from a very early age so my daughter could run her own business). After 8 month s he met somebody and moved on with her and now a year later they have a baby and seem to be very happy. But l now am not allowed any access to my granddaughter and haven't seen her for over a year it is just two years since my daughter died. I write to my granddaughter but then discovered the the letters were not being given So l send postcard so everything's in the open l have tried not to be a nuisance by telephoning and e mailing but it now quite obvious he feels he's moved on and l am devastated by the loss of my whole fami ly. He and his new partner are both lawyers and l don't know what to do any more

Our Response:
I am so sorry to hear this. This must have been a treble blow for you and more so the ensuing seemingly heartless actions of your son-in-law to take such a stance. Unfortunately, you would have to either suggest mediation as a way of coming to an agreement outside of court, or if your son-in-law refuses mediation then you would have to apply to court. I'm sure given the circumstances the court would have much sympathy with the situation, especially given your granddaughter remains your only remaining connection to your daughter and your past. Plus, as you previously had a close relationship to your grandchild this would work in your favour. Taking the matter to court would be obviously stressful. However, judging by what you say, you really have nothing to lose and hopefully all to gain. Wishing you the very best of luck.
ProudGrandparents - 4-Sep-18 @ 2:55 PM
I am a widow My only daughter was killed in a car accident along with my youngest grand daughter. 2 years ago. My son in law who caused the accident and my eldest gran daughter survived uninjured.It was a one car only accident, and l have never blamed my son in law.After the accident l was allowed some access to my granddaughter with whom l was very close ( l had them both 1/2 days a week from a very early age so my daughter could run her own business). After 8 month s he met somebody and moved on with her and now a year later they have a baby and seem to be very happy. But l now am not allowed any access to my granddaughter and haven't seen her for over a yearit is just two years since my daughter died. I write to my granddaughter but then discovered the the letters were not being given So l send postcard so everything's in the openl have tried not to be a nuisance by telephoning and e mailing but it now quite obvious he feels he's moved on and l am devastated by the loss of my whole fami ly. Heand his new partner are both lawyers and l don't know what to do any more
Nana - 3-Sep-18 @ 5:46 PM
@Broken Heart - sorry to hear this, but there is little you can do except to hope that your relationship with your daughter gets back on track. Mediation is an option, but there isn't much you can do to force the issue if your daughter refuses. At the end of the day it is up to her :(
AlIB - 3-Sep-18 @ 2:21 PM
Hi, I need help, this is a long story cutting short. I did and bought everything for my first grandchild, my daughter's partner doesn't work just studies and after 7 months into the pregnancy of me paying for everything even sending money for groceries as my daughter kept telling me that they had no money for food, sending money for car repayments or she would have the car taken away from her I start telling them that HE had to get a job both had a big argument with me and cut me out of their lives. My first grand daughter was born 8 weeks ago and I was allowed to see her only 1time for only 2 hrs. My daughter never calls me but once a week I do call her and we have a nice long talk everytime without any issues, but if I ask when I can see her, she changes subject and does not answer. I
Broken Heart - 31-Aug-18 @ 12:40 PM
My daughter's partnerwont let me see my granddaughter is there anything I can go to as I had to take her son of them as they where drinkingeveryday and he was bad 2 my daughter
Jenny - 20-Aug-18 @ 9:38 PM
Vre - Your Question:
Hello, can anyone help? Really don't know where to turn and what to do? It's along story.,I'll cut it sort.My son, on and off drug user!! Lost his girlfriend and 2 beautiful children. He hasn't seen them for 2 years, so sad. He has given up, as the ex moves the goal post each time and sends him random emails, that sends him off again. But because now he is living at his nans(my mums) she has stopped us having contact with our grandchildren, who we absolutely adore. Over the years we have helped and supported her and just can't believe that she can do this too us. Gramps has ms, I look after him!! How cruel, does she think this is normal behaviour? Because she can!, she has!!There is a lot more to this!! Any suggestions, what to do? It's just so unfair for grandparents that care and love their grandchildren. Very sad!!!!!

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. The link here , should help answer your question.
ProudGrandparents - 27-Jul-18 @ 12:31 PM
Hello, can anyone help? Really don't know where to turn and what to do? It's along story.,I'll cut it sort. My son, on and off drug user!! Lost his girlfriend and 2 beautiful children. He hasn't seen them for 2 years, so sad. He has given up, as the ex moves the goal post each time and sends him random emails, that sends him off again. But because now he is living at his nans(my mums) she has stopped us having contact with our grandchildren, who we absolutely adore. Over the years we have helped and supported her and just can't believe that she can do this too us. Gramps has ms, I look after him!! How cruel, does she think this is normal behaviour? Because she can!, she has!! There is a lot more to this!! Any suggestions, what to do? It's just so unfair for grandparents that care and love their grandchildren. Very sad!!!!!
Vre - 26-Jul-18 @ 11:12 PM
@betsy - how does your daughter feel about his behaviour? I'm confused though as on one hand you say the baby was born two weeks ago and then later you say in two weeks she will have an emergency c-section. I suppose it depends on whether she is happy with him or not. Do as he says for now and hopefully your daughter will be able to plan her escape. Or lock him out of the house. She doesn't have to do what he says. If he's abusive and/or controlling she or you can always ring the police. Thankfully we're now in an age where we don't have to accept male dominance of any sort.
Abs - 3-Jul-18 @ 2:44 PM
My daughter is with a foreign gentleman has been for around 3 years. Last year she became pregnant, he immediatly wanted her to terminate the pregnancy. I have supported her through the entire pregnancy, scans, antenatal appointments etc, even being present at the birth, he spent a total of 2 hours at the hospital in 4 days her and her baby were in. I purchased all of the things which she needed in preparing for a new baby such as cot, Moses basket, steraliser, bath etc which don't get me wrong was an absolute joy to do and as a 1st time grandparent i really enjoyed. However since the baby was born 2 weeks ago my daughters partner has become really abusive not only to her but also to me as her mum and her sister. He keeps her pram in his car so she is unable to go out of the house, the car seat is also in his car so i cannot take them out either. My daughter is feeling very isolated and so alone, he has threatened me with not being able to see the baby or my daughter, he keeps money from her and becomes bad tempered with her when she asks for a packet of baby wipes. I am at a loss as to what to do or how to approach the situation as my daughter is only 2 weeks from having an emergency c section and i dont want her to feel put in the middle, i have tried to speak to him but dismisses the conversation. Any help or advice as to what to try next.
betsy - 3-Jul-18 @ 11:52 AM
@Jac - this has more repercussions on your ex son-in-law and on you if by chance your daughter find out (which invariably she will). It's difficult to advise. Do you respect your daughter's wishes, or do you go against them, see your grandkids but risk access being stopped altogther to your ex B-i-L and you?
Bella - 3-Jul-18 @ 11:47 AM
My daughter says she hates me and wish I would die....and doesn’t want me around her children... my ex son in law... knows how much my grandchildren loves me and he wan s me in their lives... so we met for dinner so we could visit with the grandchildren...tomorrow my son in law has the children and wants to meet for dinner for my granddaughters 13 th Birthday... what do I do..????
Jac - 2-Jul-18 @ 7:25 PM
@Poppy - what a shame. Really, if you try to contact your grandkids without their mum's permission it could make the situation worse again. You'd have to wait until they're both 18 and no longer were under the laws of parental responsibility, then the kids can make up their own mind :(
TineV - 21-Jun-18 @ 9:45 AM
Hi, My Daughter, son in law and I were put in an untenable position in 2014 and fell out. After phone calls, emails and texts of trying to put things right with them and owning my mistakes, apologising and asking forgiveness they cut me off saying an apology was not enough for them and I needed to show them I had changed. The circumstances were very complicated at the time. Having not seen or been in their presence since then my daughter estranged herself from me. She has given me no chance to talk to her about my side of the situation or a chance to show that I am indeed very sorry and have changed. At that time my Grandson was 14 years old and decided (even though I have always been there for him, the situation had nothing to do with him and my daughter should not have shared any of our argument with him) that he no longer wanted to see or be in contact with him again. My Granddaughter being 11 at the time just did what her parents wanted her to do and cut contact with me. Now my Grandson is 17 years old and my Granddaughter 15 years old. I have tried to ask my daughter if I could please have a recent photo of them so that I can just see how they are and what they look like now. I simply want a photo for my wall. She has refused and refuses to allow me to contact either of them directly myself. In law at their ages can I directly contact them without their parents permission to try and reconcile with them? What would my choices be please? I do not want to make things worse for any of the family. I have told my daughter I love her and miss her but she will not reconcile with me at all. Thank you in advance.... Poppy...
Poppy - 20-Jun-18 @ 2:58 PM
Floss - Your Question:
Hi I'm looking for some sound advice I'm having serious problems with my step mother who's been married to my dad for 30 yrs. To be honest she's never liked me and her girls have always had to come first no matter what. In 2007 I had my first son and our relationship seemed to get better and she's a lovely nanny to my son. But 6 yrs ago my husband and I devorced amicably and moved on and have remained close for our 2 boys sake. Last summer after going thru hell we found out that our eldest son is autistic. my step mother has turned really nasty she acuses me of lying all the time especially about my son saying that I've made his condition up for attention and there's nothing wrong with him whatsoever, I'm a rubbish mum and he deserves to be with someone else, she will see him behind my back without asking if it's ok, and now she's started slagging me off in front of my son which really upsets him I am his mummy after all. She's managed to turn half of my family against me and I just don't know what to do??? I've tried talking to her and I've tried talking to my dad but he says it's all in my head and he's stuck in the middle. I don't want to stop my dad from seeing the boys because they are his grandchildren!!! But I want her contact with them stopped how do I go about this.

Our Response:
This is a tricky question to answer as we are hearing the story from just one side. I'm not disputing your claims, but it seems odd that your step-mother should dispute a doctor's diagnosis. Aside from denying access to her ( you could allow your dad access, if your dad visits your son at your home), then your only option is mediation in order to try to resolve any issues you have between you.
ProudGrandparents - 19-Jun-18 @ 11:54 AM
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