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Grandparents who are Denied Access to Grandchildren

By: Elizabeth Grace - Updated: 15 May 2018 | comments*Discuss
 
Access To Grandchildren Family Counselor

While grandparents who are denied access to their grandchildren by the children's parents must certainly feel hurt and angry the fact remains that legally, grandparents are not automatically guaranteed any rights to their grandchildren.

There are a number of things that grandparents can do to best assure that they will be allowed to develop relationships with their grandkids, but in all but the most serious of circumstances, parents have the right to decide which people can and which cannot spend time with their children.

Healing Rifts

If at all possible, grandparents who are being denied access to their grandchildren should make an effort to mend any hard feelings that exist between them and their grown children. In most cases, parents keep their kids away from their own parents due to unresolved conflicts that exist between the adults. Sometimes, what starts as a minor misunderstanding grows into an argument serious enough to cause discord amongst family members. While both sides may choose to stubbornly hold onto the idea that they are "right," by doing so, everyone loses out on the love and support that happy families provide for one another. There comes a point when being right becomes less important than getting along, and grandchildren are as good a reason as any to make the decision to put aside past hurts and focus on a brighter future.

Grandparents can contact their grown children and express their desire to talk, preferably at a time when the grandchildren will not be present. If a first attempt is unsuccessful, it may be wise for grandparents to take a step back and give their children a bit of space. Ending the call by reassuring their kids that they only want to make peace and letting them know that they would be receptive to being contacted at a later time will let their grown children make the final decision about a reunion without applying excessive pressure.

Seeking Professional Help

While it is not reasonable to expect that old hurts can be healed overnight, willing family members can forge an agreement to begin over, leaving old arguments behind. It can often be difficult for people to see their family members as they really are, but instead they view each other from a possibly outdated perspective. Grandparents sometimes view their grown children as the irresponsible people that they may have been as teenagers or young adults, while the grandparents may be seen by their grown kids as judgmental and controlling -- characteristics that may no longer be accurate for either generation. Seeking the assistance of a licensed social worker or family counselor may be beneficial since an outsider can sometimes offer an objective point of view not easily achieved by those closest to the situation.

Extreme Circumstances

In some families, the reasons for disagreements are well founded. Addictions, abuse issues, and some illnesses can cause adult family members to purposefully distance themselves from one another and also to protect the youngest family members from being placed in possibly dangerous situations. In cases where grandparents have a history of destructive or abusive behaviours, it is not unreasonable for their grown children to keep them away from the grandkids.

Grandparents who can admit that they once engaged in distasteful behaviours but have since sought help and mended their ways may be able to convince their grown children to allow them to be a part of their grandchildren's lives by proving that they no longer pose a threat, but the final decision must be left to the children's parents. Parents have a responsibility to keep their children safe, even if it means keeping them from their grandparents or other family members.

Conversely, if it is the children's parents who are a dangerous influence, grandparents may be forced to seek protection for them. Grandparents who feel certain that they are being kept from their grandchildren because of their grown children's gross dysfunctional behaviours may want to seek legal advice. Children deserve to be raised in a safe, loving environment and while grandparents have no right to interfere with their grown children regarding the raising of the grandchildren under normal circumstances, if the children's safety or well being is at risk, grandparents must take steps to intervene.

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I first met my now stepdaughter when she was 18 (Before I met and became involved with her mother, my now wife), and over the next few years my behaviour was not the best as I was confused as to my role in her life. After it all came to a head I sought professional help and we built bridges back to a more normal relationship as step father and daughter. My wife and i have being involved with supporting her through various ups and downs, and bringing up her children whilst she survived some disastrous partners. Because of her now ex husband issues social services became involved and he complained to them about my historical behaviour.SS have now dictated to my stepdaughter that she has to ensure that I do not have any contact with any of the children until the youngest (2 years old) reaches 21 or they will be taken into care.SS refuse to acknowledge any attempt by me to address this situation. Before readers leap down my throat about my past please understand that a lot of time and effort by my wife, her daughter and me to address my behaviour and start a different life. This has been successful and we have an excellent relationship with out grandchildren. My wife has been told as long as we live together she can only see them once a month. None of this has been related by SS but by a very upset step daughter who feels they made the restriction so why should she have to tell us, particularly as she doesn't agree with it? Who or how do we address this situation formally if SS won't speak to us or reply to requests. It is heartrending to have tearful grandchildren asking to see us Kuhn the background when step daughter telephones(which she has been told she can do as it's up to her as an adult). How can SS act on unilateral information without establishing all the facts, or is the established way off how The System works? Helpful advice and/ or suggestions gratefully anticipated.
Proud Grandad - 15-May-18 @ 7:54 PM
My husband and I have two adult daughters who have two children each. Although we live abroad, we have spent many months each year helping with childcare in the last 10 years. We were there for the births of three of our grandchildren, I looked after one for her first two yearswhile her mother went back to work, and helped my older daughter through her breakdown after her (self-inflicted) divorce. My husband has done countless repairs, building and garden work for them both and we were always ready to babysit/take and collect from school/football/scouts/cubs/play dates etc. Both daughters' families have enjoyed many free holidays with us as we live in a highly sought tourist area in Europe. Five years ago the older daughter started a relationship with a very wealthy man who shows no interest in her children (he has two of his own who live with their mother) but appears to use her and her property for his own advantage. She is now 41 and has a high-flying career. He is 7 years older and appears to have no intention to take the relationship to the next level. Things came to a head on her birthday last December when they stayed in a hotel overnight and she forced the issue with him. All we were told is that he left her in the bar and went to bed so she got a taxi for the 30 mile journey home. She was in pieces when we spoke to her and said she realised he'd never change and even her friends admitted now that they never liked him. On Christmas Day we were all together at my other daughter's home when the newly-married ex-husband came to collect his sons. My daughter hid out of the way while we all exchanged greetings and that night, aftermuch Christmas spirit, tempers flared. She ranted at us for being congenial with her ex (even after being divorced for 6 years) and when we defended him (her reason for divorcing him was that he was not ambitious enough!) and expressed concern that she was going to accept the latest boyfriend back she said she hadn't made up her mind. However he had inundated her and her sons with very expensive presents so we warned her off being bought by him. At this point we were thrown out. The next day was our eldest grandson's birthday so we asked if we could see him before we returned home but she refused. We managed to wish him a happy birthday before she could intercept. I sent our grandsons a letter by way of explanation saying that although we live abroad we could still communicate and indeed soon after they face timed us from their Dad's. We managed to see them again on another trip back to the UK but when our daughter learned we had spoken to them she accused us of trespassing into her property (we were on the street). She is of course back with this man and had been by Christmas, unknown to us. My younger daughter was in bed at the time of the row and didn't seem too upset by it so we offered to babysit on our next visit but this was refused. However she let us FaceTime our youngest grandd
Flamant Rose - 15-May-18 @ 4:53 PM
Hi Woody My name's Joe and I'm running a story at Sky News about giving grandparents legal rights to see their grandchildren. Would you be able to talk to us in more detail about your story at all? Would be great if you could drop me an email. joseph.loftus@sky.uk Many Thanks Joe
Joe - 7-May-18 @ 11:31 AM
My son and his daughter mum was a brief relationship. Since she was born we have all been amicable and had regular contact. My granddaughter is now 9 and whenever my son either goes on holiday with partner taking his daughter if school holiday it’s ok for a while then the mother gets a bee in her bonnet and says your not seeing her. We recently went to USA as my husband 60 and my son and his siblings came as well, my granddaughter could not as was in school but now because my son cane and she was demanding more money though he does pay CSA and my granddaughter never goes without I’ve asked for to have her half term and the mother is ignoring my messages and phone calls and told my son not to call or for me and that our daughter/granddaughter does not want to see us. Background history since baby mother has given ribeno so by four had to have all teeth out as rotten constant fed fast food so getting a pot belly and shares bedroom with mum though her 2 sisters different dad have there own speaks like a 4 year old when she talks otherwise nods in answer except after a few days with us does start talking but does not pronounce words correctly totally behind in school. We have tried to help but worried now as she gets older will get worse what can we do
Woody - 7-May-18 @ 10:41 AM
hello.. i just wanna ask if what casecan i file for my sister inlaws and my mother inlaw because they knows everything about the situations my ex husband, his father and brother raped my 3 daugthers their father have already warrant and this coming may i want file a case against my brother inlaw and my father inlaw but since my sister inlaw and my mother inlaw knows that i want also file a case against them to thats why i ask what kind of case can i file against them allanyway im joy of misamis oriental mindanao philipinesthanks
joy - 23-Apr-18 @ 11:04 PM
Amy - Your Question:
Hi I've currently stopped my mum and my sister from seeing my children due to them telling vindictive lies about me to social services and the police. I've since had both parties out to do assesments and welfare checks on my home and my children and they don't have any concerns what so ever and have closed all cases. But now my family are threatening to take me to court for access to my children. Do they stand a chance? It would cause more problems for me and us a family if they kept seeing my kids as I no longer trust them as people so do not want my children going anywhere with people I don't trust. Do they have a right? Or will the court agree with me?

Our Response:
As your grandparents and family do not have parental responsibility of your children, and therefore no legal rights, they would have to apply to court. When accepting a case, the court will consider several factors, including the relationship between your parents and your children and whether to date they have had a day-to-day input into their lives and what that input is. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
ProudGrandparents - 17-Apr-18 @ 10:38 AM
Hi I've currently stopped my mum and my sister from seeing my children due to them telling vindictive lies about me to social services and the police. I've since had both parties out to do assesments and welfare checks on my home and my children and they don't have any concerns what so ever and have closed all cases. But now my family are threatening to take me to court for access to my children. Do they stand a chance? It would cause more problems for me and us a family if they kept seeing my kids as I no longer trust them as people so do not want my children going anywhere with people I don't trust. Do they have a right? Or will the court agree with me?
Amy - 16-Apr-18 @ 11:13 AM
There is a petition on change.org to the UK Parliament asking them to "Make 'Parent Alienation' a criminal offence". The deliberately making it difficult for the parent who the child does not live with to see the child, not following court instructions by not keeping to and allowing the visiting rights and freedoms - causing distress (including long journeys to visit) and financial stress (booked hotels and holidays with no show, court costs), not allowing the child out of the county (causing those long journeys and making it difficult for members of the other family -part of the child's WHOLE FAMILY to meet and holiday together), registering the child at secondary school and not disclosing which, removing the other parent's surname from the hyphenated joint names when registering at secondary school.Not turning up for meetings - and more...is cruel. The suggestion is that the Courts seem to be too worried about making the parental relationship worse but surely allowing the parent that the child is living with to overcontrol and deny rights to the other parent (and family) is actually bad for the child and makes a mockery of Family Court decisions.
leave only footprint - 12-Apr-18 @ 10:48 AM
Gina - Your Question:
Hello, I need to know if my sister has any rights to see her grandchildren here in NY. Her son married a vindictive, selfish woman who does not like my side of the family. My sister has done everything to be nice too her, she told my sister too her face that you will never see your grandchildren, while her son was standing there and he said nothing. My nephew has a sister and she converted to the Jewish religion, that pissed her brother off and his wife. I feel that he is being brainwashed by her, to stay away from us. This thing is making me so sick, my sister is so depressed and lost weight. She does not look good too me. It makes me sick that her parents can see the kids and show pictures of them all together. I just need some advice, can my sister sue too get visitation rights here in NY.

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, as we are a UK-based site, we have no knowledge of US-based family law. You would have to seek legal advice locally.
ProudGrandparents - 27-Mar-18 @ 3:56 PM
Hello, I need to know if my sister has any rights to see her grandchildren here in NY. Her son married a vindictive, selfish woman who does not like my side of the family. My sister has done everything to be nice too her, she told my sister too her face that you will never see your grandchildren, while her son was standing there and he said nothing. My nephew has a sister and she converted to the Jewish religion, that pissed her brother off and his wife. I feel that he is being brainwashed by her, to stay away from us. This thing is making me so sick, my sister is so depressed and lost weight. She does not look good too me. It makes me sick that her parents can see the kids and show pictures of them all together. I just need some advice, can my sister sue too get visitation rights here in NY.
Gina - 27-Mar-18 @ 3:14 PM
@Heartbroke - it all sounds like a bit of a mess. At least she is still letting you see your granddaughters. Try working with each other instead of against, No point in throwing things in each other's faces - it serves no purpose. You have to put your grandkids first, so bite your tongue and try to continue to support them as much as you can. At the end of the day there's not much else you can do.
BellaBaH - 22-Mar-18 @ 1:47 PM
My story goes way back. But at the moment my son's exwife (his widow, now remarried) threatened to not let my granddaughter play in a basketball tournament for grades 1-3 in her home town unless I got her stepson on the same team. He calls me Grandma.. I am uncomfortable with that but he is only 7.. Her mother and I are best friends..We communicate daily.. I love her family, she loves my family.. She really loved my son and was on his side in arguments and fights between them.. My son committed suicide in 2015 due to marital problems.She would not divorce him, she had been texting, calling his friends and cousins and had multiple marital affairs while he worked 6 days a week as a Diesel Mechanic.. She had accused one of the men of raping her after my son caught her in bed with him. Two months after his death I met her boyfriend, he moved in 2 months later.. My son had a $100,000 life insurance policy she received.. Her and her bf got into meth and smoked meth and cigarettes in thehouse with my granddaughters and his son inside..They broke up 3x and she begged him to take her back and told him he didn't have to work..He quit his job and currently has no job.. She is now 3 months pregnant with his twins.. My granddaughters have lice.. Had it since their dad died.. When they are with me, I do everything I can to rid the bugs and eggs from their hair.. Her stepson had long hair, now has very very short hair.. When I visit them they are sometimes infested.. I have reported her to child welfare with no results.. I am so frustrated and angry.. So she got the money, wasted it and then sold my son's car, after that money was gone they started smoking marijuana..Since getting pregnant they said they stopped smoking marijuana in the house.. But the girls clothes stink.. I know how meth, marijuana and cigarettes smell.. My older son was a meth addict.. She threatens not to let my granddaughters come visit when I disagree with her and we get into a big fight.. However she always said she would never do that.. So I throw that in her face alot.. My granddaughters will be coming to visit for spring break and I am not going to answer her calls or texts. This is my time with my granddaughters.. They want to come and live with me but I don't see that happening.. They are 6yo 8yo and 10yo.. I don't work and don't qualify for SSDI so I can't afford an attorney to get custody of them.. I am just heart broken and really stressed out.. I take medication for a fractured vertebrae, 2 antidepressants and benzodiazepine for GAD, major depression, panic attacks and PTSD.. Which doesn't look good for me.. Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Heartbroke - 21-Mar-18 @ 2:51 AM
Eddie - Your Question:
I have been able to look after jared every weekend since he was 9 week old, he is now 5 and my sons x girlfriend has a new boyfriend and he says we cant see him anymore. What can I do because I have no legal right to see him.

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this. If your son's ex will not consent to you having access to your grandson, then you would have to seek legal advice about taking the matter to court.As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. However, you should speak to a solicitor specialising in family law before you make an application for a court order to see whether you have a case. It is important that you consider all other options before taking the court this route, as it can be costly and there is no guarantee access will be awarded.
ProudGrandparents - 19-Mar-18 @ 11:38 AM
Cazzyann - Your Question:
My daughter and her husband have no contact with his mother, they have 2 boys age 4 and 5 who dont know her, she is now threatening court action for access to the boys , what are her chances? She is a vile woman and my daughter is distraught over it

Our Response:
Much depends upon what contact your son-in-law's mother has had with the children to date. It is impossible to anticipate what a court may decide. However, as in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
ProudGrandparents - 19-Mar-18 @ 9:29 AM
I have been able to look after jared every weekend since he was 9 week old, he is now 5 and my sons x girlfriend has a new boyfriend and he says we cant see him anymore. What can i do because i have no legal right to see him.
Eddie - 18-Mar-18 @ 6:11 PM
I havent seen my granddaughter since she was 1 week old and now going on to 2yrs. I was there at her birth and on making contact with the mother when my son split up from her she kept saying I will see her soon and then cut me off.My son was involved in a fight and was sent to prison for ABH and is back home now but he is now denied access by the mother and her parents.The mothers mother apparently got her to sign a document making her the legal guardian of my granddaughter and they refuse access to my son now who has helped raise her till his incarceration.This is very distraught for him and has always been heartbreaking for me.Unlike the mothers mother I don't drink at all, hold down a responsible job and own my own home mortgage free.I live 10 mins walk from the house my granddaughter is staying in which her other grandparents and I am not allowed near them - their decision.I have always questioned whether my son was used to create my granddaughter and this is looking very likely as his own omission is that the mother showed up at his house and the next he saw her she told him she was pregnant although she led him to believe she was under contraceptive.He lived in the home with them raising my granddaughter paying a huge portion of their mortgage which was way behind and they suffered the risk of losing their home.It was during this time he was involved in the fight which the mother of his daughter refused to appear as witness on his behalf so he was incarcerated.He was worried about his daughter being in that house due to the excessive amount of drinking her mother takes part in and said he had many mornings caught her in a drunken stupor with the baby on her chest, totally out of it.This has always been worrying but without access I cannot make sure my granddaughter is safe.The grandfather smokes a lot of weed and spends his time playing guitar and drinking in the house.I am shocked my son allowed his daughter to be in this environment but as we have always had issues with his teenage behaviour our relationship has not been the best.He now lives with my husband and I and his behaviour is exactly as I raised him, good, caring and decent.I can see what not having access to his daughter is doing to him and putting all of this together it appears that he was used to create the baby for the grandmother who wanted another child.I don't know what else to do to help him.Had I had access to my granddaughter I would have had more say in what is going on but as things stand I don't have any rights at all.I was pushed out from the word go by the mother and her mother so my granddaughters world revolved around them only.I cant help but surmise my son was used as a sperm donor.I just don't think this is right as this is a life and although the family in question are not what I would have anything to do with, there is a child that binds us and I always believe in the best interests of the child.I just don't thin
Petronella - 18-Mar-18 @ 1:24 PM
My daughter and her husband have no contact with his mother, they have 2 boys age 4 and 5 who dont know her, she is now threatening court action for access to the boys , what are her chances? She is a vile woman and my daughter is distraught over it
Cazzyann - 18-Mar-18 @ 10:42 AM
Hi. Having problems with family. My kids used to go see my sister as my kids hot on with her kids and they would go see my dad and step mum. I thought everything was fine no problems until one day I found out from kids that whilst my kids were with my sister my sister was bad mouthing me to my kids and telling them not to tell me keep it a secret or they will not see there cousins. Apparently this had been going on for quit some time without my knowledge. I then visited my step mother to tell her what I found out and that I wasn't happy but didn't want kids relationship to suffer. My step mum advised to talk to her daughter(My sister) but I was unsure. However on Halloween unexpectedly bumped into each other trick or treating. I asked my sister if we could talk before I knew it my sister turned round screaming at me and a fight ensued. She called police on me claiming I started it (I didnt) however her husband was with her and supported her lies. Since then I ended up with social work at door which was protocol my sister raised concerns about fact I let my 17 yr old babysit my 8 yr old daughter for cpl hours. Social work so no problems completely legal etc however they continued to call social work and police anytime they saw I wasn't in. This put myself and my k7ds through a lot 8f stress and anxiety my daughter s5arted crying at school about what my family were trying to do to her mother I was taking pan8cks attacks etc. At Xmas my dad asked to see k7ds I told him honestly kids would like to come round but there scared of my sister he replied she wouldn't he there so I said ok. Weeks later I found that not 8nly was it my sister calling social serv7cez but my step mum also as to wh8ch 9bvioysly upsets me and now kids know they have been involved in it to do not want c8ntact with them. However as it's my daughter's bday my dad asked for contact I gave him a chance to explain or show any kind 9f remorse apoligeticnezz etc as to which there was none. I personally do not feel after all the stress and anxiety they have put me and my k7ds through that they should have any contact and I told my dad that he then replied I better rethink etc if they were to seek contact through courts would i be f8rced into letting them have contact.? Seriously been thinking if moving to another country just to get away from it all
Marie - 7-Mar-18 @ 10:25 PM
My 3 year old son was physically assaulted by my father whilst in his and my mother's care in a public place. My father was arrested and he recieved a caution for child cruelty. Social services became involved and set up an agreement to reintroduced unsupervised contact with my father. However my father and mother are clearly treating my sons differently to my sisters. There doesn't appear to be any remorse I have discovered lately and they blame the incident on my 3 year old yet my father is 63? I have now stopped contact as due to the way they are behaving and risks to the children.
Hurdling - 4-Mar-18 @ 8:28 PM
L700 - To answer your question I will find out shortly as both myself and my husband will be going to court to oppose a contact order application made by one grandparent. They played no part in helping to raise the child but did have supervised contact until the age of 2yrs. Spent the whole time trying to wear me down to obtain child to themselves. Unrecorded history of abuse and harassment to myself (if only I got help from police the records would be there!). The child has positive contact with 3 blood relative grandparents and 1 step grandparent. To top it off also has stronger contact with a relative couple who treats her like a grandchild. This kid practically has three sets so I will be astonished if they throw about accusations we deny meaningful contact.
Mrs - 23-Feb-18 @ 1:22 PM
@Maureen :( you would have to apply to court. You can't force your son or daughter-in-law to give you access.
JenniferY - 22-Feb-18 @ 12:57 PM
I’ve have been Denied contact with my granddaughter it has been 6monthsnowsince I’ve seen her I had a very close relationship with her I’ve tried tosort it outamicable but just beingignoredmy son anddaughter-in-law or separatedbut my son was living with me and he had a lotoff mental issuesand loss his call with her as he could not always cope he was having her at mine and he wasshouting and swearing at herand I had a go at him and hewas very verbally abusive towards meandsmash my kitchen up and telling me to die I called mydaughter-in-law to come and get herand mydaughter called thepolice and I had himarrestedandbecause of this theyhad the child protection people come roundI was onlyprotecting my granddaughteras my son can beA bit of a bullyeventowards me and his dadand I’m the one who gets stopped from seeing her I feel sorry for mygranddaughter she is missing out on familywho she loves
Maureen - 20-Feb-18 @ 6:06 PM
@LouiseM Thank you for your reply. I can see your point and I think you are right to some extent. I also think it's been my inability to cope with things in a correct manner that has caused some problems as well.I can only hope this mess can be resolved.
NanaSan - 13-Feb-18 @ 3:25 PM
@Nana san - Hopefully, your sons will come round when the dust settles. Your only other option would be to apply to court if your grandchild has been a big part of your life. But this is likely to impact further on your relationship with your family. Family mediation may be an option to consider as a way of trying to resolve these issues via a third person. Mediation is voluntary though and your family would have to consent. Perhaps a letter explaining your position and love of your family and your grandchild may help resolve this issue. It's possibly worth a shot. It's not an easy situation to find yourself in - it sounds like you have badmouthed your partner and your family have supported you in their dislike of him and then you have turned around and taken him back. It's hard to come back from that - your family will feel betrayed :(
LouiseM - 13-Feb-18 @ 2:03 PM
I have a gorgeous grandson who will be 2 yrs. old next month. My partner and I have been together for 8 years and in those years unfortunately have split up a couple of times. The last time I said I would never have him back but realised I had been a bit hasty in throwing him out and things weren't as I had thought. Anyway my two sons have never really liked him because he is a bit rough and ready and has a past. Thing is he did a lot of work for my eldest son before he got married and we decided to not charge him as that would be his wedding gift from us. we gave my youngest son the equivalent in cash when he got married. My partner is a hard working man and will do anything for people and not ask for anything in return. I know I've been a nightmare mum in the past couple of years because I have tended to share my angst with family and friends. Lesson learnt in that respect and will keep things to myself form now on. I love my grandson and miss him so much but because I'm back with my partner I'm not allowed to see him . I used my annual leave to look after him when my daughter in laws parents were on holiday and looked after him on quite a few other occasions. I asked my son if I could see my grandson but he just put the phone down on me and my other son has said he doesn't want anything to do with me and I won't have anything to do with any children they have. They have criticised me for not giving them a good childhood, I was a single parent after my husband left us and gave them everything I could and they weren't badly treated and were well looked after. Anyway I'm at a total loss as to where to go now, any help would be appreciated
Nana San - 12-Feb-18 @ 4:20 PM
My husband and I have decided to not allow my mother to have contact with our daughter. Our daughter is a year old my mum has seen her over the course of the year, as other family members have, but has only had her on her own 4 times. There has been a big family row which my mother has instigated and has since brought up a family feud from 6 years ago. Her behaviour is negative she is very volatile and unpredictable. We have made the difficult decision that our daughter would be better without such negativity in her life my mum has threatened to take us to court. She has made no attempt to resolve the issues nor has she made any attempt to arrange contact with our daughter. How likely is it that a court would force 2 parents as a united front to allow my mother contact despite our concerns?
L700 - 30-Jan-18 @ 10:26 PM
Mick - Your Question:
Hi me and my girlfriend have just had a child now my father wants to see him (over my dead body) he has had alcohol problems drugs and also been in jail.he was so violent to me my brother and mother they divorced 10 years ago just got away from the abuse but last 6 years he got clean and wants to see me 1 year old son which me and my partner are totally against it including my mother and rest of my family does this man have a chance going through the court's after his violent past and total trustworthiness from out part surely I have to protect my son from this man who caused do much hurt and violence in our lives some feedback please

Our Response:
It is unlikely a court would force you to give your father access, if you can justify why you think it is not in your child's best interests. It is unlikely he would be able to apply given the fact he does not have parental responsibility and he has not had an existing relationship with your child.
ProudGrandparents - 23-Jan-18 @ 3:05 PM
@Me - it's what happens when you interfere, sorry. Of course the mother is going to oust you out if she thinks you're interfering, espcially from afar. While I don't condone drug taking - there are so many people that take drugs and bring up children, some serious addicts. The thing you should be doing is supporting, her and staying as close to yoru grandchild as you can to keep an eye on him, that means swallowing what she says and not judging her.
Jan - 23-Jan-18 @ 10:06 AM
Hi me and my girlfriend have just had a child now my father wants to see him (over my dead body) he has had alcohol problems drugs and also been in jail....he was so violent to me my brother and mother they divorced 10 years ago just got away from the abuse but last 6 years he got clean and wants to see me 1 year old son which me and my partner are totally against it including my mother and rest of my family does this man have a chance going through the court's after his violent past and total trustworthiness from out part surely I have to protect my son from this man who caused do much hurt and violence in our lives some feedback please
Mick - 22-Jan-18 @ 9:16 PM
My son and his girlfriend had the most gorgeous baby boy. My love for him was incredible, like that I have for my own children. My eldest son has been dabbling in drugs for years, he was at his lowest when he met his girlfriend, she too was not in a good place, but they picked themselves up, had the baby got a house and all seemed to be going well, until they started to fall out on a regular basis, their relationship was quite toxic, they were horrible to each other. This all resulted in my son being kicked out of the house, she was denying him access to his child, i intervened, tried to help them both for the sake of my grandson. She agreed to be amicable so job done, I live in another country you see. His girlfriend and I talked quite openly about their situation, she told me they had both been taking cocaine on nights out, this upset me greatly, I told them both that they must stop, you see they were still smoking cannabis as well, I told them if they do not stop I will go to social services myself. Anyway, my son took cocaine and got drunk and is now in prison. I have tried to be supportive to his ex during this period, but have found out that she has continued herself to do cocaine and has been drinking heavily every night, I have many concerns as to her ability to care for my grandson. I spoke to her eldest sister about them, she assured me she would keep an eye out, as she knows the signs because she was once an addict of cocaine. Two to three weeks passed, I asked how she was getting in, she told me she had stopped drinking, smoking cannabis and cocaine, I was so happy, I believed her. I was told differently, she has apparently been receiving cocaine from my sons best friend, I was devasted because I threatened social services and really did not want to go ahead, so I contacted a close family friend of theirs, I knew she had influence, I told her what had been going on, she did not know, she said she would talk to the ex and get back to me. After this I recieved a very long message from the exes sister accusing her of prostitution, I was shocked as to how they have completely twisted everything I said. Now the ex will not communicate with me, but she is allowing me to have some contact with my grandson at least at the moment. When I go to England I dint know if she will allow me to have him stay for a couple of days, I am worried because I thought I had rights? To try and sort things out, because I fear she might not let my son see his son I have apologised, tried to explain what my intentions were, I am very cross about that because it was not me lying and taking hard drugs etc. I really don’t know what to do.
Me - 22-Jan-18 @ 12:52 PM
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