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Grandparents who are Denied Access to Grandchildren

By: Elizabeth Grace - Updated: 20 May 2019 | comments*Discuss
Access To Grandchildren Family Counselor

While grandparents who are denied access to their grandchildren by the children's parents must certainly feel hurt and angry the fact remains that legally, grandparents are not automatically guaranteed any rights to their grandchildren.

There are a number of things that grandparents can do to best assure that they will be allowed to develop relationships with their grandkids, but in all but the most serious of circumstances, parents have the right to decide which people can and which cannot spend time with their children.

Healing Rifts

If at all possible, grandparents who are being denied access to their grandchildren should make an effort to mend any hard feelings that exist between them and their grown children. In most cases, parents keep their kids away from their own parents due to unresolved conflicts that exist between the adults. Sometimes, what starts as a minor misunderstanding grows into an argument serious enough to cause discord amongst family members. While both sides may choose to stubbornly hold onto the idea that they are "right," by doing so, everyone loses out on the love and support that happy families provide for one another. There comes a point when being right becomes less important than getting along, and grandchildren are as good a reason as any to make the decision to put aside past hurts and focus on a brighter future.

Grandparents can contact their grown children and express their desire to talk, preferably at a time when the grandchildren will not be present. If a first attempt is unsuccessful, it may be wise for grandparents to take a step back and give their children a bit of space. Ending the call by reassuring their kids that they only want to make peace and letting them know that they would be receptive to being contacted at a later time will let their grown children make the final decision about a reunion without applying excessive pressure.

Seeking Professional Help

While it is not reasonable to expect that old hurts can be healed overnight, willing family members can forge an agreement to begin over, leaving old arguments behind. It can often be difficult for people to see their family members as they really are, but instead they view each other from a possibly outdated perspective. Grandparents sometimes view their grown children as the irresponsible people that they may have been as teenagers or young adults, while the grandparents may be seen by their grown kids as judgmental and controlling -- characteristics that may no longer be accurate for either generation. Seeking the assistance of a licensed social worker or family counselor may be beneficial since an outsider can sometimes offer an objective point of view not easily achieved by those closest to the situation.

Extreme Circumstances

In some families, the reasons for disagreements are well founded. Addictions, abuse issues, and some illnesses can cause adult family members to purposefully distance themselves from one another and also to protect the youngest family members from being placed in possibly dangerous situations. In cases where grandparents have a history of destructive or abusive behaviours, it is not unreasonable for their grown children to keep them away from the grandkids.

Grandparents who can admit that they once engaged in distasteful behaviours but have since sought help and mended their ways may be able to convince their grown children to allow them to be a part of their grandchildren's lives by proving that they no longer pose a threat, but the final decision must be left to the children's parents. Parents have a responsibility to keep their children safe, even if it means keeping them from their grandparents or other family members.

Conversely, if it is the children's parents who are a dangerous influence, grandparents may be forced to seek protection for them. Grandparents who feel certain that they are being kept from their grandchildren because of their grown children's gross dysfunctional behaviours may want to seek legal advice. Children deserve to be raised in a safe, loving environment and while grandparents have no right to interfere with their grown children regarding the raising of the grandchildren under normal circumstances, if the children's safety or well being is at risk, grandparents must take steps to intervene.

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Grandparents are often the "forgotten" victims when parents split.It's very unfortunate. I have helped so many grandparents as a professional McKenzie Friend in these situations.Heartbreaking :-(
Familia CoParenting - 20-May-19 @ 8:09 PM
Never thought in a million years I’d consider cutting family ties. Some of you may want to consider that your memory is getting selective and you were a bad parent. That “I did my best BS” is not acknowledging crappy things you did as a parent. Own your past behavior. It might get you a visit with your grandkids. I am a self admitted hot headed person, assertive and fiercely protective over my wife and kids. My parents are typical for their generation. Zero conflict resolution skills, never dealing with issues directly, picking favorite grandchildren (simply because the misbehaving child comes from a single parent household). I can handle the physical and mental abuse I endured at the hands of my mother who is in complete denial about the situation currently and the abuse I suffered at the hands of her boyfriend. What I will not put up with is they treat my kids differently, deny it, and refuse to even entertain the possibility the perception is there. Since I am the hot head of the family, had a lot of problems as a kid, I’m thought of us the irresponsible kid. Even though I’ve held a marriage together the longest, and have been in the same career for over 20 years. Some of you older people need to do a checklist of your past behaviors and you not being able to see your grandkids is because you sucked as a parent. My kids will not know the life I had as a kid. If it means cutting off blood relatives, then so be it. Even if means I can’t have a relationship with my other 2 siblings and their kids. My kids are growing up to be self reliant, confident and hopefully will not enter familial relationships with the too too many damaged people out there.
Busydad911 - 20-Apr-19 @ 6:23 PM
My sons ex girlfriend is the most wicked on this planet pure narcissistic she uses my grandkids as tools against me and my son has stopped contact past 4 weeks got a new boyfriend 8 years younger than her and the family are scum taking over my grandchildren they dont love them they just want to see us hurt this is slowly killing me
Nanny - 12-Apr-19 @ 3:44 PM
My son got with a controller freak had my granddaughter. I spent first four years where my Granddaughter would stay with me every weekend. I would babysit one night during week too. She was a happy little girl Then her parents split up and it all went down hill her mum uses my granddaughter as a tool she won’t let us talk on telephone she refuses all gifts I’ve sent I no she will be calling us to my granddaughter I’ve begged and broke my heart I’ve cried so many tears. It’s being 4yrs now I still cry. My poor granddaughter must think we don’t care about her. But everyday we think of her.
Missingmybelle - 10-Apr-19 @ 2:44 PM
My grandson was born three days ago. I have been told I will never see him, by my daughter, his mum. She fell out with me over 7 years ago after I had an affair that ended in me and her dad divorcing. She has never forgiven me. Ironically me and my ex are now on good terms. My other grandchildren I look after one day a week ( I work full time so cannot do more) and if I didn’t do that I’d never see them either. My punishment goes on. I can see this is my own fault.
HB - 9-Apr-19 @ 1:12 PM
My daughter has fallen out with her cousin and has decided that I cannot have my granddaughter around her cousins child I have objected to this telling her that there argument is nothing to do with the children I have now been stopped from seeing my granddaughter (usually every Saturday for the last two years) because I disagree with her controlling behaviour her partner won’t tell her she is wrong and the in-laws are scared to say anything incase they are alienated toothinking of going to court to get this sorted as this is the 3rd time she has used my granddaughter as a weapon over silly things
Pauline Henry - 22-Mar-19 @ 9:30 AM
I have two grandchildren both live in Berlin my 9 year old grandson is no longer allowed to see us my don and daughter-in-law are divorced . My second grandson is only a year old we have never met him my son is now with his new partner and has cut us out of his life no talking about it just finished I have written emailed lots of times but no response .it is beyond heartbreaking and has been two years now . I don’t know what else to do now
Lindy - 13-Mar-19 @ 8:52 PM
My two ex daughter in laws have both stopped me having contact with my grandchildren. I always had a wonderful relationship with the children.
KK - 13-Mar-19 @ 1:09 PM
My son has been sent to prison for attacking my gran daughters mother I do still get on really well with her but now she is saying I have to see the children supervised she said probation have put this order on me I can't understand why
Dolly - 8-Mar-19 @ 8:40 AM
my son learnt sixteen years ago this June thathe was to become a father for the first time he was over the moon as he had always wanted children but in the next breath she told him she was booked into an abortion clinic and the middle daughter by her exhusband left leaflets all over their bed, he did something he has never done to a female before or since then he hit her just once but when he admitted it to me he said he was so ashamed as he knew I had not brought him up that way. He sat her down and talked her round and they had a beautiful little girl, they moved away and a few years later moved back just down the road from me I was invited to tea with my daughter. Afterwards on the way home we both looked at each other and said together don't like her with in 15 seconds I knew she was controlling my son and not for the good either, just before this visit I had been in the church yard of our local village when this banshee came yelling and screaming at me wasn't I goingto say hello to my grandchildren, now the last time I saw my granddaughter she was 3 months old and this child I reckoned was about 5 and there was a little boy with her who turned out to be my grandson now I did not know I had a grandson, eventually her aunt who was with her pulled her away. Several years later (and for two years I watched it happening and was unable to help till my son asked me for help) he suffered a monumental mental breakdown he turned to me and asked for help and boy did I move fast but the look she gave me well it's a sonder I did not drop dead. I got him to the doctors who got him into counselling. I will refer to the counselor asP who told my son he was suffering from what is typically known as the battered wife syndrome. This last week we have received notification that her second husband has applied to adopt the children and my son just said to me look mum I am going to do what you did with us when you told us you would leave it to us if we wanted to see dad or not (they chose not too) and he is leaving it to the children as he says he loves them so much he wants them to get on with their lives. Unfortunately they do have a lot of anger in their systems my granddaughter ended up where the schools could not deal with her and my grandson whilst at first school had to be taken to school by his mother and collected before the rest of the school came out, he would kick teachers, tried to strangle a child and another child he kicked a child so badly in the head they moved and yet the mother not once had got them any help. She often threatens to put them in care mind you she always told me she never wanted them as her other kids were grown up. Although I am legally still able to see the children if I want to I have chosen not too the mother has so damaged those children with her lies I will not put them in a position that they have to feel they don't want to see me. I know they are headed for trouble but if they want my help at a later date I will
dolly - 22-Feb-19 @ 8:01 AM
My son hooked up with an evil vindictive woman when expecting his firstborn with another woman. She controlled him and insisted she was the baby's mother. I was blamed for causing drama because I could only see my only grandchild thru his actual mother. My son married this woman and later had two children, fought for custody of the first and won. I was not allowed to see any of them for periods of time. And they are suspicious of me and won't talk to me when their mother is around. The youngest told me "my mommy talks bad about you all the time". I have been removed as a family member. I've had to let this go. I thought maybe when they're grown,they would reach out to me. But I had spent the most time with the oldest when he was a baby and a toddler- many many weekends with just the two of us. I saw them all Christmas, the oldest on guard with us around the stepmother, The youngest shunning me completely. It had been a year and half. I always thought there would be more time My beloved firstborn grandson killed himself last week. Even as I write this, there is fear in me that I have spoken the truth and they will punish me.But I am finished with all of it. I am done. Enough .
Sue - 18-Feb-19 @ 8:04 PM
My son is 18 now andlives with us (mum & dad), he was with a girl she fell pregnant 2 months into their relationship he was 16 at the time, her mum kicked her out...she moved in with us. We help her in everyway possible looked after her and our grandson...help her get a place became garentours for her, paid a large deposit, pay towards her rent. We were asked to looked after our grandson every weekend by our son and her, then there relationship broke down. Our son and us still had James every weekend which we love having him. She met someone else moved him in straight away. Now she wants to stop us the grandparents from seeing our grandson, but wants our son to still have him, how will this work when it's our house that our son lives in. We are all very confused...she keeps telling my son if he don't agree she will take us to court and enforce that we can't see him. So last weekend she told my son he can't see him, then this weekend she wants us to have him if we and he don't agree she said she will take us all to court. What can we do?
Toni - 18-Feb-19 @ 7:51 PM
Advice needed desp. I'm paternal grandma and have had my grandson at least 2/3 times a wk since he was 3mths old. My son was using drugs whilst with baby's mum and there was violence but I don't know the full story. Anyway he was sent to prison for this and she carried on seeing my son etc and when he was released also. Social services were rightly involved and my son did everything they asked of him, she was then allowed eventually to let my son have my grandson overnight at my home where he resided. All was well until both parties got into new relationships a few myths later. She had an argument with my son and then stopped contact, he waited a few wks hoping she'd calm down and met her at my home regarding something else they argued in front of my grandson and she just kept telling him to take her to court. He then pushed her on her shoulder and cried why won't you let me see him before I made him leave. Since then she has said he's to have no contact with my grandson and if she finds out we've let him see him then she will stop us too. I had my grandson on a day I wouldn't normally and my son called in staying for around 15 20 mins. She found out and said I couldn't have him anymore as social services have said my son isn't to see him, I find this hard to believe as when I contacted her social worker she said there was no reason why my son couldn't see him but if his ex said no then he would have to go to court. She keeps threatening me with keeping my grandson from me if she finds out my son has been to see my grandson. I really need to know what to do as I want a reasonable relationship with his ex as she my grandsons mum but I don't want her to keep threatening me as I'm on tenterhooks all the time in case my son just turns up...I just want something in writing that neither she nor I can go back on. Any ideas pls thankyou
Tj - 5-Jan-19 @ 9:36 PM
It is almost six months since I've been allowed to see my two grandchildren, age almost 3 and 1. The eldest, my grandson I have been taking care of for 1/3 of his life, staying at my house every weekend since he was 3 weeks old with myself, my husband and my youngest child, son (his uncle). The father of my grandchildren, my eldest son, has ruined our lives by going with a repugnant, evil narcissistic female (the "mother") who has been mentally and verbally abusive to me for 2 1/2 years, has physically attacked me in the presence of my then 7 month old granddaughter and 2 year old grandson, and threatened me on many occasions. She had called my husband "a beast" and has threatened to have him "shot". This is because she owes debt at my house, owes money to our family friend, caused the police to threaten to kick in our door (they were looking for my son as she had (as always) started a fight with him, smashing up "her" house, threatening to do harm to the kids and leave them - a neighbour had called the police. She expected to "use" my home to get whatever she lied and cheated to get and expects to pay for nothing. She has tried to get me, my husband and my son all jailed through her lies. She lies constantly, slanders our names and threatens us. I had cancer only 3 years ago, I wasn't expecting or asking to be a grandparent then (at 49). She tried to stop me seeing my grandson first when he was 5 months old - for no reason whatsoever. Resulted in her calling me and texting me at my work with the most awful things, telling me to "get over" having cancer, because I dared ask my own son when could I see my grandson again. After that I was really upset but my son asked if I still wanted to watch the child that night as usual. When I declined my son ended up calling me back, pleading for me to take him that night as she was "going mental". This is what it has been like. She has smashed up things of my son's, my grandson's window, threatened on many occasions to "smother" or put my grandson's face through a window. She told my husband during this awful time she wanted to "stab" me in my eyes. When my son went to court because of her lies - it wasnt even heard - she knew he was free but let me go to court anyway. He didn't know. She reluctantly let us take my grandson on a weekend break but the day before we were leaving there was suddenly an appointment for him first thing on the Monday morning that she "couldn't change". I refused to come back early so it was agreed my son would collect him a day early. Low and behold, we had only just picked up my grandson to go the holiday, hadn't even hit the motorway yet, when we got a text saying the appointment had miraculously been put back. When my middle son was having an engagement party, the night before she threw her dummy out the pram and stated she wasn't going because she didn't get things she wanted. Whenever we have bought my grandchildren anything or taken them anywhere it's always been m
Nan - 28-Dec-18 @ 4:53 PM
Iv not seen my granchildren for three years due to sisters falling out lm ill and not and just turned 70 christmas round courner again lv writen to the daughter who sent a nasty text but no joy of contact lm to ill to go to court for acesswhat can l do .
Mow - 23-Dec-18 @ 12:54 PM
My daughter has issues and a huge rift between herself and her father, it all started when she allowed her 13yr old to go out with friends and was meeting up with boys but in fact these guys lied about their age, turned out to be between 15 and 24, her parents did nothing at all so her grandad went into a parental mode trying to protect her and show her the right way, We took the 2 eldest grandchildren on holiday where grandad established a close bond with the granddaughter and realised what a troubled girl she is, she confided in both of us saying she felt depressed and that her mam wouldn't do anything about it and also she felt uncomfortable with her step dad as she feels he does not love her it's all false . When we got home after a fab holiday her grandad was trying to see her as much as possible maybe yes he was a bit overwhelming and and at the time too clingy with her but would never harm her or any of our grandchildren.My daughter had stopped contact with her dad at first until he seeks help because she thinks he's done wrong. I've had time to go over the situation step by step and the children don't have an easy life at home,my daughter is not very houseproud , she argues on a daily basis with her husband and the swearing and shouting is unreal and this is in front ofall the kids , and she does like to give them a good hiding now and again, and I've been a sounding board for her for years , you can't have a civil conversation with her because she flies off on one then used the kids as weapons saying you'll never see them again , so I've kept my comments to my self for years.Her husband came round to talk to my husband and some of the things he came out with on his list was unreal,he mentioned social services we unfortunately i spoke up and said go get them I can tell them a few home truths , he left didn't like hearing what I had to say got a call few minutes later off my daughter shouting at me calling me with swear words I hate and now has for no reason what so ever cut me off social media and I'm to stay away. My eldest grandson who is nearly 16 does not want to lose contact I'm devastated would going to seek advise be the right way to go . There is no going back with her and her father,but I've done nothing but try and keep the peace all I did was for once gave my views and they didn't like that. I'm at a loss I've always been close with those kids , can someone please give me some advise thanks
Skooby - 18-Dec-18 @ 8:34 AM
Our beloved son passed away in his sleep a year ago at the age of 38yrs.No one, including himself knew that he had a significant heart disease. He left a wife and a wonderful son (nearly two years old) son who I saw every week and was always there when they needed a baby sitter. My husband was always on hand to do any jobs that were required. Our hearts are torn in pieces as my daughter in law has stopped all access and has deleted our entire family from social media. Shehas said that she will call the police if any of us attempt to call at her house. We have not only lost a wonderful caring kind son and brother but also our only grandchild. We were told by a friend that he had an operation in the summer, we had no idea he had been in hospital.We have no current photos and are now in the process of applying to the courts to be able to see him. This is unrealistic for many grandparents as it is an extremely expensive process but we are lucky enough to be able to do this with hope that the courts will eventually grant us some contact. There seems to be plenty of publicity surrounding the fact that grandparents do not have the legal right to see their grandchildren after a divorce, however their is little thought given to the right of access to grandparents after the death of one parent. The government needs to move more quickly and include in their bill not only rights after divorce but also after a death. I ask Is it in the interest of the child/children to be stopped by their parent from seeing someone/peoplethey love?
Alice - 10-Dec-18 @ 2:30 PM
Hello I feel helpless .. My daughter hates me and blames me for all her problems. I had her at a young age.. And brought her up on my own.. I worked hard and studied and tried to do my best.. I had a hard life when I was a young girl as I was raped and abused from the age of two up to sixteen by my father.. I started having severe anxiety attacks and breakdowns.. Unfortunately my daughter saw some of these.. At a young age. That I was told by therapist to sit n tell her why mummy wasn't " normal" without going into detail I told her my father was a very bad man. And why mummy gets upset.. I thought it would be OK. But over a period of time my daughter was wanting to know more and more.. My daughter is grown up now and hates me . even though I was there for her during and before she gave birth to my grandchild.. The other grandparents have been so wonderful buying presents for her and helping her with money etc.. Where as I am living in a rented flat . I don't own a car.. She was happy to let my grandchild stay with me.. When it came to the supposed day for my grandchild to go. She would ring and add more days. I had to go to the loan shop to get money as I had nothing.. Then one day I said I couldn't so the dad came and took him.. And arranged to take him all the way to the otherside of the country for the other grandparents.. I knew then I would never see him again. I feel used and violated offended.. Her reasons for this is my past.. And she had a hard time with me. We had this out before and I thought we have moved on.. How many times do you have to say sorry!!! She has slated me off to everyone and anyone because she thrives on drama.. I guess I'll just have to live with it.. But I can't bury the pain. I feel helpless
Jenny - 3-Dec-18 @ 11:25 PM
We have been stopped by our son and daughter in law to see our newly born grandson. My wife and myself are absolutely distraught. We have trying to call them but they will not answer their phones. We decided to pay a visit but were refuse to see our grandson. What can we do ?
Andy - 23-Nov-18 @ 2:54 PM
my daughter has been caught up in the world of drugs and her children 2 live with her first partner and 1 leaves with her 2nd partners mother and I have a special guardian order on her youngest child I am experiencing some difficulty in contact as they blame me for my daughters drug misuse can anyone advise on how about applying for regular contact I feel upset of this happening as I am the Maternal Grandmother.
paula - 18-Oct-18 @ 4:22 PM
I have stopped my mom from seeing my children, as she has said some things in front of my kids that I can not forgive causing them distress at the time. Expecting 3yr old to keep secrets from another family member that they love. She goes against our parenting, tells us what we should be doing. When we are teaching them life lessons she teaches how money is on tap. Is a toxic controlling person who plays the victim which anyone who knows her well enough will tell you. She has history of mental health which I believe she is suffering with again but is in denial. It's everyone else in the wrong not her. She has spread rumours that I have bad depression(I don't have depression).. that I have had it for 14 year and I need help, that my partner is controlling that I can not think for myself ( everyone has laughed at this)and that he perved on her ( accidently walked in on her with her back towards him on holiday. She has stopped me seeing all my dad's side, my dad and her own mom when I was younger for no reason. We have never had a brilliant relationship, but I always tried as you only get one mom. Now she wants to take us both to court to see the kids???
Lou - 13-Oct-18 @ 5:01 PM
Hi I really need advice before I have a mental brake down, I have two beautiful girls and my mother is trying to get access to see them and I want her nowhere near them she’s a manipulative nasty person who’s phoned police and social services many times for all sorts of reasons she’s took overdoses in front of my younger brother and is mentally unstable she sent me a mediation letter and I refused she’s done this before but blackmailed me into seeing my children due to my grandmother being really sick (she was basically my mother when I was growing up and adored my children) and tried to keep us from seeing her so my children have only seen my my mother about 4/5 times within there life and hated my mother she’s abusive and social services are aware of her police too and I’m just so scared she will get access to my children I have anxiety and depression because of her and petrified of getting the post incase it’s a court letter what are her chances of getting any contact please anyone like I said I’m on the verge of a brakedown because of everything she has put me through I can’t take much more of her she’s made my life hell i could write a book on the things she’s done and everything she has gotten away with so any advice would be really appreciated thankyou
Xoeverlast - 8-Oct-18 @ 2:07 AM
My son has been stopped from seeing his daughter by his x girlfriend cause he has a couple of charges against him
Caz - 27-Sep-18 @ 6:02 PM
Hey wonder if anyone can help. Back in August my eldest granddaughter was baptised and we was having a lovely day my eldest son left the evening with his partner and daughter went home leaving a young man behind who was a friend of theirs and someone known too the family. So cut a long story short this friend was asked too leave later on as it had been reported he had been sniffing cocaine in a toilet ( I think my middle child had every right too ask this person too leave ) Well after myself and husband calmed the situation the lad left everyone continued their time then a while later my eldest son called my middle son too say he was coming back up too smash him up as the lad who was asked too leave rung and told him my son had grabbed him round the throat and dragged him round the street ( which non of that happened. So I rung my son telling him not too come back as the issue had been dealt with and everyone was now back too enjoying the celebrations he was having non of it I called his partner trying too get her too talk him out of it and she wasn’t having it either. They did both turn up myself and my husband tried too stop my eldest from going in the hall but he wasn’t having any of it not realising his partner had already flown threw the doors and was having a go at my son and his partner in the hall. I called the police because I’m not having my sons fighting and also as I was worried for the safety of my son who had turned up too assault my other son because there was a big chance the guys in the hall could of turned on my son and his partner and they got hurt but in the meantime non of them had bothered they had left their car running doors open and my granddaughter in the car in a public car park so my priority was 1. Making sure BOTH sons where safe and secondly my sons wasn’t fighting. Now I’m being stopped any contact with my granddaughter who I saw come into the world ( I was the first too hold her and give her a bottle when she was born I was at the birth ) and have always been in her life my granddaughter turned 1 this September and I’ve been told too shove the gifts and cards because they don’t want my granddaughter too have them and because I’m not seeing her until I apologise for my disgusting behaviour. Now I don’t see where my behaviour was disgusting pleas can someone help this is destroying me. I’ve told my son I’m sorry for calling the police but I was concerned for both of my sons and for both their safety I’ve never given a statement too police and neither did anyone else but I’m still being punished because the police said they would notify social services about their behaviour because of the aggression the speed they drove at and leaving my granddaughter in the car but that wasn’t nothing too so with me that was their behaviour not mine and this is braking my heart ??????
Jocksbird - 23-Sep-18 @ 3:18 PM
@Charlie - I really feel for you it must be a horrible situation that you are in. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do as your son is not separated from her. Can't he bring them to see you? She sounds like an absolute horror.
GinnG - 10-Sep-18 @ 12:21 PM
Hi, my son moved his the girlfriend into my home after she split with her ex. 6 years on, the got married and had a little boy. The first 6 month of his life, his mum suffered with PND and wanted little to do with him. I looked after him and her and got her the help she needed. I brought practicly all things for him, and her. Paid bills for her so she could give up work. My son works hard but found it difficult to deal with her moods and rejection of his son. I worked with her endlessly to teach her routine and how to look after the little one. We were so close, like best friend's.Then I went on holiday, when I came back, she had flipped a switch, refused my phone calls, excuses about not going to see them. She stoped little one coming to see me or stopping over. I had do e nothing to upset her. She then had baby no 2. I was not a load to pick him up, she put him upstairs saying he was asleep, the baby monitor showed different.So now after 5 years, she makes it so difficult for me to see the kids only at her house, one Fay a week and only for 3 hours. If I speak, she answers for the kids, the oldest one asks often why he can't go out with me any more or sleep over, my son does try to stand his ground he has little say in anything, she's just a control freak. My heart is breaking, she not use anything I buy the kids, clothes, toys. I really am ready to end it all, she talks to me like dirt, I say nothing back for fear of losing all contact with the kids and she knows it. She make the kids cry when I'mthere just to hurt me and show her authority. I really can't take much more. Please can anyone give me some advice.
Charlie - 8-Sep-18 @ 1:48 AM
Nana - Your Question:
I am a widow My only daughter was killed in a car accident along with my youngest grand daughter. 2 years ago. My son in law who caused the accident and my eldest gran daughter survived uninjured. It was a one car only accident, and l have never blamed my son in law. After the accident l was allowed some access to my granddaughter with whom l was very close ( l had them both 1/2 days a week from a very early age so my daughter could run her own business). After 8 month s he met somebody and moved on with her and now a year later they have a baby and seem to be very happy. But l now am not allowed any access to my granddaughter and haven't seen her for over a year it is just two years since my daughter died. I write to my granddaughter but then discovered the the letters were not being given So l send postcard so everything's in the open l have tried not to be a nuisance by telephoning and e mailing but it now quite obvious he feels he's moved on and l am devastated by the loss of my whole fami ly. He and his new partner are both lawyers and l don't know what to do any more

Our Response:
I am so sorry to hear this. This must have been a treble blow for you and more so the ensuing seemingly heartless actions of your son-in-law to take such a stance. Unfortunately, you would have to either suggest mediation as a way of coming to an agreement outside of court, or if your son-in-law refuses mediation then you would have to apply to court. I'm sure given the circumstances the court would have much sympathy with the situation, especially given your granddaughter remains your only remaining connection to your daughter and your past. Plus, as you previously had a close relationship to your grandchild this would work in your favour. Taking the matter to court would be obviously stressful. However, judging by what you say, you really have nothing to lose and hopefully all to gain. Wishing you the very best of luck.
ProudGrandparents - 4-Sep-18 @ 2:55 PM
I am a widow My only daughter was killed in a car accident along with my youngest grand daughter. 2 years ago. My son in law who caused the accident and my eldest gran daughter survived uninjured.It was a one car only accident, and l have never blamed my son in law.After the accident l was allowed some access to my granddaughter with whom l was very close ( l had them both 1/2 days a week from a very early age so my daughter could run her own business). After 8 month s he met somebody and moved on with her and now a year later they have a baby and seem to be very happy. But l now am not allowed any access to my granddaughter and haven't seen her for over a yearit is just two years since my daughter died. I write to my granddaughter but then discovered the the letters were not being given So l send postcard so everything's in the openl have tried not to be a nuisance by telephoning and e mailing but it now quite obvious he feels he's moved on and l am devastated by the loss of my whole fami ly. Heand his new partner are both lawyers and l don't know what to do any more
Nana - 3-Sep-18 @ 5:46 PM
@Broken Heart - sorry to hear this, but there is little you can do except to hope that your relationship with your daughter gets back on track. Mediation is an option, but there isn't much you can do to force the issue if your daughter refuses. At the end of the day it is up to her :(
AlIB - 3-Sep-18 @ 2:21 PM
Hi, I need help, this is a long story cutting short. I did and bought everything for my first grandchild, my daughter's partner doesn't work just studies and after 7 months into the pregnancy of me paying for everything even sending money for groceries as my daughter kept telling me that they had no money for food, sending money for car repayments or she would have the car taken away from her I start telling them that HE had to get a job both had a big argument with me and cut me out of their lives. My first grand daughter was born 8 weeks ago and I was allowed to see her only 1time for only 2 hrs. My daughter never calls me but once a week I do call her and we have a nice long talk everytime without any issues, but if I ask when I can see her, she changes subject and does not answer. I
Broken Heart - 31-Aug-18 @ 12:40 PM
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